Drunk and Disorderly
by Midori Aoi
Summary: (One-shot/post from Tumblr) This is not responsibility. This was punishment. And the worst part is Mikasa wished this was all some kind of dream but no. She was stone cold sober and he was being stone cold honest. Damn you, Hanji. (Levi x Mikasa crack!fic)


Due to popular demand, I am finally posting this tumblr post here on fanfiction. I added some extra special stuff for those of you familiar with the tumblr work, so go ahead and lemme know if you're pleased! This is mostly just crack goodness, and I feel it would do good for you guys already suffering over Thunder Clouds. So, Here it is! Enjoy! :D

This is Rated T (17+) for language and suggestive material. -_eyebrow wiggle-_

Disclaimer: I do not own SnK or any of it's characters.

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**Drunk and Disorderly**  
_Summary:  
This is not responsibility. This was punishment. And the worst part is Mikasa wished this was all some kind of dream but no. She was stone cold sober and he was being stone cold honest. Damn you, Hanji._

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The glass of cool water was beginning to feel warm in her hands as Mikasa stared flatly at the room of roaring officers of the Survey Corp. Glancing sideways at the table top strewn with all manner of drinks and flavors, Mikasa Ackerman felt her upper lip twitch in irritation. Trying to find at least some peace of mind even through the loud music of the band playing at the edge of the hall... it was damn near impossible.

_This is not my idea of fun._

"Hee'ey, Mee'kasa." Sasha cheered, cheeks flushed and eyes watery as she stumbled past a knocked out Connie. Even from where Mikasa was standing the girl _reeked._

"Look a' me. Be honest…" She paused, violently hiccuping before all but throwing herself on top of Mikasa's stoic shoulder. "Y'think ah'm preetee?"

"Radiant," Mikasa replied, flat as the beverage in her hand. Sasha let out a happy moan, her hands fumbling to grab Mikasa's face only to miss and squeeze her bosom.

"Thank 'ouu, 'kasa! Ohhh, so warm!" And with that Sasha gave a wobble and collapsed to the ground. If she wasn't already out cold, Mikasa would've kicked her for squeezing her like that. So she did the next best thing and took her warm water and spilled it over Sasha's head. The girl giggled at the sensation before passing out again.

"That was for the boob grab," Mikasa sighed.

"Oy, Mikasa!" Someone shouted and Mikasa winced when she saw Jean, shirtless and with his belts wrapped around his head as they held several utensils against his forehead.

"Hanji-baby is calling for youuuu!" He shouted, grinning before spinning around and snatching a drink from some random officer's hand. Not that he cared too much as he was currently molding his face against another inebriated female officer. Another couple nearly fell on them, swaying here and there off rhythm to the music being played. This whole situation would've been much more tolerable if it was at least good music.

Mikasa blinked before sighing, annoyed. Pulling herself from her position against the wall, she began to expertly weave, dodge and even hurtle people, strewn chairs and a group of people building a fort with the tables.

Once she passed the worst of the room, groaning in disgust when Bertholdt ran out buck naked and shouting, she found the group of the elite soldiers. They weren't much better than the rest of the entire mess hall, but it was some improvement.

Erwin was laughing at something Eren was saying, her brother's cheeks burning a bright red as he waved his hands around, giggling. At his side was Hanji, humming happily to herself as she pulled a large bottle of vintage wine from her lips. At her side sat Lance Coporal Levi, staring at the rest of the room with as much irritation painted on his face as she was feeling. But, judging by the clear bottle of liquor in his hands he, too, was under the influence of tonight's festivities.

"Yes, Hanji?" Mikasa nearly had to yell, it was so loud.

"Ahhh, Mikasa!" Hanji cheered, grinning widely. "Welcome to the Party! Have you not been drinking?"

"I don't drink," Mikasa replied evenly, unable to stop glancing at the Lance Corporal. His cheeks were a bit rosier than their normal pallor and she wondered just how much he's had to drink. Turning a begrudging glare at her brother, she sighed when he failed to realize she was there as he animatedly talked to the Commander.

"Something I thought Eren and I both shared." She added under her breath before looking back at Hanji.

"What was that?" Hanji asked.

"Nothing. What did you call me for?"

Hanji laughed to herself, more because Jean had fallen from a table being dragged to join the table fort.

"BUILD THE DEFENSES!" Jean was screaming. "WE MUST FIGHT THE TITANS!"

Then entire room - save Mikasa and the superior officers - burst into very loud cheers as a sudden new song began playing and everyone began to sing along - it was the anthem of the Survey Corp and while it was normally a good song to salute to, it had now become discordant as people screamed rather than sang. Suddenly the rhythm burst forward, turning into what Armin called a "rock" song.

"It's a shame Mike is missing this!" Hanji laughed, wiping her mouth from some spilled wine that failed to enter her lips.

"Hanji," Mikasa called and Hanji glanced at her, surprised before nodding vigorously.

"Ah, right! You see, the Corporal is very un-amused by this whole thing and would like to go back to his room!"

"Can't he go there himself?" Mikasa groaned, letting her head fall back with exasperation.

"Do I need to remind the cadet of an injury I sustained not two weeks ago for the sake of saving her brother?" Levi spoke suddenly and Mikasa felt her stomach tighten at his words. Damn him, playing her guilt against her.

"He's had a bit much too drink, as well." Hanji said nodding, before laughing and slapping Eren in the back as he said something that was apparently funny but Mikasa failed to catch.

"That and the injury, well… he needs help." Hanji finished.

"Fuck you, Hanji." Levi shot before taking a long drought from the clear bottle.

"What are you even drinking?" Mikasa asked, staring curiously albeit disgusted at the bottle in his hands.

"It's called vodka," Levi drawled, snide. "Something a child like you shouldn't be drinking." A bubble of fury rose from her chest and darkened Mikasa's expression. Hanji raised her hands (one still holding the bottle of wine) in a calming gesture.

"Just ignore him, Mikasa," Hanji said, chuckling. "Go on and help him, before he continues the guilt trip and starts playing on how it's your responsibility to help since he's been out of commission." _Who needs to remind him when you're doing that yourself? _Mikasa thought, glaring at Hanji before nodding.

"Fine. Come on, Corporal. Let's get you to bed before I decide to dump your ass in a closet somewhere."

"Oh-ho," Levi chortled darkly. "Hear that, Hanji? Ackerman's got bite. I like that."

Mikasa nearly flinched at his words, more surprised than insulted. "Never mind him, he gets awfully honest when he's had too much," Hanji laughed again. Mikasa scowled. She wasn't sure how to take that statement now after that.

Lifting the Corporal, Mikasa's eyebrows shot up when he suddenly wobbled and leaned heavily against her. Obviously favoring his good leg, he let out a cough before lifting the bottle to his lips.

"Ah-ah," Mikasa chided. "None of that. You keep drinking and I'll be the one to deal with the hangover."

"So thoughtful," Levi rolled his eyes but let her take the bottle from his hands and watched as she threw it to Hanji. The woman caught it easily despite her drunken laugh and how she waved goodbye to them with the other bottle in her hands.

Weaving and dodging became much more difficult now that she had to worry about a stumbling and drunk Corporal. Twice they bumped into some other inebriated passerby and upon the third time of being shoved into Mikasa was ready to just dump the griping shortie on the nearest bench and marching off to her room. Eren could take good care of himself now.

"Mikasa!" Someone called and Mikasa let out a frustrated groan, whirling her head to shoot daggers at the person but stopped mid whirl when she saw Armin heading toward her. Thankfully, he looked just as sober as she was.

"Armin!" Mikasa breathed, grateful to see a familiar face not flushed pink with alcohol.

"I was looking for you!" Armin greeted, smiling with relief. One expression Mikasa had no worries in mirroring.

"Weren't you with Krista?" Mikasa asked, glancing behind him only to see the same girl apologizing fervently for someone she had accidentally tripped before bounding towards them.

"Hi, Mikasa!" Krista waved, smiling brightly. Mikasa let her eyes fall to see, with an interested purse of her lips, when she saw Christa's hand reach and fold into Armin's, their fingers intertwining.

"Where're you headed off to?" Armin asked again and Mikasa noticed then there was, in fact, a blush to his cheeks. But definitely not sparked by alcohol. This much made a small smile leak into her face, but it fell just as quickly at the sharp nudge to her side (that was much too close to her left breast) by the Corporal's hand.

"To my bed," Levi grunted, meeting Armin's gaze with a glint. The two blonds' eyes widened to the size of saucers and Armin looked at Mikasa with shock.

"Really?" Armin gawked. "The two of you—?"

"Not like that!" Mikasa protested loudly, unable to stop the blush from spreading over her cheeks at the implication. Levi turned his head to glance at her and remained staring, a curious expression on his face.

"I'm just helping him go to his room," Mikasa explained and both Krista and Armin nodded, smiling sheepishly under Mikasa's irritated gaze.

"Do you need some help?" Krista offered and Mikasa nodded vigorously.

"If you could just help me open the door." The two nodded before bounding off, even going so far as helping clear the way as Mikasa and Levi hobbled after. Not for the first time that night, nor the last, did Mikasa shoot an irritated glare at the man leaning against her. Her nose wrinkled when she smelled different alcohol on him - the vodka didn't really have much of a scent, which she was grateful for. What else had he been drinking? Ugh, she didn't care.

Once they were out of the hot and stinking mess hall, Mikasa took in a deep breath of the cleaner air. Armin and Krista closed the door behind them and looked at Mikasa with a smile.

"Thanks guys," Mikasa sighed, but before she could say anything else Levi glared at them.

"Now go away," He ordered. Armin and Krista exchanged a surprised look and Mikasa scowled.

"Sorry, he becomes a much more irritating ass when he's drunk." Mikasa grunted, beyond aggravated now. He had some nerve treating them like that.

"It's okay," Krista spoke, Armin took her hand again and Mikasa noticed how she leaned a bit closer to his arm. "We'll leave you two alone, Armin was just going to show me the flowers in the garden."

"That's not all he'll be showing you tonight," Levi muttered under his breath, making Mikasa's eyes widen in humiliated shock.

"What was that?" Krista asked, confused.

"Nothing!" Mikasa exclaimed, jabbing her fist on the Corporal's side to which he grunted painfully. "Have fun, you two." Turning quickly, Mikasa began to storm off, dragging Levi's body away while Armin and Krista gave them a weak wave and exchanged a warm glance.

The walk up the stairs and down the halls had been, blessedly, silent save for the occasional muttering from Levi as he tried to match her pace. After quite brusquely jerking him upright when they reached the top of the stairs, Mikasa suddenly felt more guilt when he let out a hiss of pain.

"You mind not behaving like an Aberrant, Ackerman?" Levi spat, his left hand reaching to grip his leg.

"We're almost there," Mikasa replied, her tone a bit softer. God forbid she actually apologized for it though.

"An apology would be nice," Levi read her mind and she bit back a scoff.

"It would be nice, wouldn't it?" Mikasa inquired sarcastically. Levi let out another dark laugh, and now that they were alone and in a quiet area she could really hear it's clarity and roughness, making a sudden shiver course up her back and make the hairs on her nape stand on end.

"You have quite the nerve, Mikasa." He said and Mikasa felt another violent shiver course through her skin when he spoke her name. "I was beginning to wonder what had happened to this side of you."

"What are you talking about?" Mikasa asked, slowing down now that the door to Levi's room loomed ahead.

"You are all flames," He spoke near her ear and Mikasa swallowed tightly. "So passionate and fierce. You don't let your fear hold you back, you let it burn through you and boost your actions." Mikasa glanced at him and very quickly regretted doing so, he was staring at her and she did _not_ like the look in his gaze. Mikasa found herself wishing she had Armin and Christa heave the Corporal to his room.

"That was a compliment," Levi said again, his eyes narrowing. Mikasa sighed but remained silent as they finally reached his door. _Finally. _Levi's hand began to search around, clumsily searching his pockets as Mikasa waited. and waited. …and waited.

"You know what?" She hissed, pushing him upright before beginning to do the searching for him, her hands running over his chest and legs. Levi let out a little hiss when she jerked his hips from swaying too far to the right, throwing him a harsh glare.

But he kept swaying and before he knew it, she had all but slammed him against the wall to stabilize him. Levi stared at her wide eyed as she continued to rummaged the pockets of his shirt and pants.

"It's in the back," He said after her search proved fruitless. Mikasa froze and looked at him. He returned her suspicious glare with a flat look.

"If I wanted to seduce you, you'd be writhing beneath me and begging for more by now." Levi retorted and Mikasa's face darkened with hidden rage. _Cheeky son of a bitch_.

Without another word she tugged her hands around his waist and ran her hands down the firm muscles of his backside. The movement pushing her flush against him, their noses barely brushing. If anyone were to waltz by they would think she was feeling him up, yet her gaze was fiercely defiant and pissed off and her cheeks burned a rosy shade, fighting off embarrassment.

He smirked when her hands found the key hidden in his pocket, making her heart burst at a full gallop. Even more so when she realized that _something_ on his front was _pressing against her leg. _Her cheeks flushed a deeper scarlet and she shoved off of him, the key firmly in her hand. He lifted his hands in a surrender but the smirk on his face did not drop, much to her chagrin. Nearly ripping the lock apart after thrusting the key in, Mikasa threw the door open.

"Help yourself." She spat, before beginning to walk away, but Levi suddenly lurched hissing violently. She caught him when he stumbled, more out of instinct than desire and she let out another frustrated groan.

"Anyone ever tell you you smell really nice?" He said again, through gritted teeth.

"Yes." Mikasa humored him as she helped tug him in the room, kicking the door closed before moving him to the bed. Just as they were near the bed his leg buckled, the sudden lack of balance making them fall on the bed.

"Ooph!" Levi let out when Mikasa landed fully and on top of him.

"Dammit," Mikasa swore and she scrambled to lift herself off, stopping hard when her hair tugged painfully. It was too dark to tell but when she felt around she realized her hair had gotten caught in a button of his shirt.

"Oh, come _on_!" She groaned.

"What is it?" Levi asked shortly, groaning, his hands on her hips.

"My hair…" She hissed and glared viciously at him. "Don't you dare move," and she began to squirm above him, trying to get in a position where she didn't have to be fully touching him. However, all her moving made him let out a deep moan when her hips rubbed against his.

"Ssh!" Mikasa shushed, not entirely realizing how her movements were affecting his inebriated state while she tugged her hair off the button on his chest. Upon being freed Mikasa let out a sigh of relief that turned into a surprised yelp when her back was suddenly pressed against the neat bed.

Levi's blue eyes were staring deep into her own and Mikasa froze when the faint moonlight bounced off them, making them glow.

"You," He was panting. "Should never move like that on top of a man who drank as much as I did."

"Levi…" She began, cautious and nervous.

"Shut up." He ordered and she stopped talking, staring into his eyes wide eyed.

"Do you realize how frustrating you are?" He started again, and Mikasa began to frown with outrage. He didn't let her voice her indignation, "Ever since I first saw you, I've been going _insane_. I have to repeat to myself that you are half my age and that you are just another snot nosed brat who joined the corp. Yet, you look at me with a fury I have never seen in anyone else but the face I see in the mirror and it _fascinates _me." He was gripping the sheets beside her face tight, her eyes widening as she listened to his words.

"You fascinate me more than anything unlike this world, Mikasa." He admitted, so very honestly. "_You _are unlike anything in this world. Your beauty and your rage, and your very voice. Just watching you fly and kill Titans with such profound grace, it baffles me and infuriates me because it makes me keep forgetting how annoyingly _young_ you are."

"What are you saying…?" Mikasa heard herself whisper. Levi's face softened suddenly making alarms go off in Mikasa's head but she can't move, staring at him and unable to react because she never realized how _blue_ his eyes are.

"I'm saying you piss me the fuck off, Ackerman." He growled huskily before slamming his mouth over Mikasa's, kissing her hard.

Mikasa let out an alarmed moan, grasping at his firm body and around his bed, one of his hands was in her hair. His lips were bruising and nipping, but the sensation was unlike anything she had ever felt. His tongue glided over her lower lip before pushing past her parted lips to curl around her tongue. The bitterness of his mouth sent a sharp shiver down her spine to pool into her stomach, the electric current forcing her back to arch, chest rubbing against his. One of his hands slid from her shoulder, down her side before tugging at the buttons of her shirt. A bit of her skin tasted air as he began to tug his hand under the coarse material, the flames became instant fireworks the second his fingers brushed against the extremely sensitive skin. Mikasa let out another sharp moan when he pulled his lips and that (_amazing_) tongue began to caress a sweet spot in her neck Mikasa didn't know she had.

"_Ah, C-Corpora-Ah,_" Mikasa breathed, her voice coming out higher than she had ever heard. Levi responded eagerly, rubbing his body against hers, hand under her shirt trailing further north from her tight belly before finding the fabric of her chest bindings. _No, no, stop._ Mikasa's left hand found its way to his hair, grasping at the soft and silky locks before she gave a firm tug, Levi let loose a low growl at that, reaching to yank her scarf from her neck to better taste the hot skin beneath. _Stop, what are you - _Mikasa was panting, her body reacting against her better judgment at ever nip and lick and nibble of that fantastic mouth. A low moan bubbled from her throat when Levi's hand grasped at her breasts, the sensation much different than when Sasha had accidentally squeezed her, earlier that evening. Mikasa bit her lips, trying to snap herself out of the spell of Levi's lips and wandering hands. If he didn't stop she was going to-Mikasa's mind went complete blank when his hips rocked against hers violently, overwhelming her with the feeling of _oh dear god do that again, _until her hands reached and found something off the side of his bed and on his nightstand. With what little sense she had, Mikasa gripped it like a lifeline.

_BONK! _

Levi's body collapsed on top of her, unconscious. The empty tin jug of water is shaking in Mikasa's hand as she struggled to catch her breath under his dead weight. Trembling, her lips bruised and body tingling, Mikasa shimmied out from under the Corporal's dead weight. Once freed, the raven haired woman pressed shaking fingers to her lips, heart ramming at a million miles an hour in her chest.

Mikasa looked at the officer's limp body for a moment before wincing, hoping the hit to the head didn't kill him. Leaning over him, Mikasa listened and sighed with relief when she heard him breathing, slow and even.

She left immediately, but not before placing a bucket near his bed for him to use if he needed to puke later that night. Knees wobbling and core squeezing with heat, Mikasa tried to make it to her room but had to lean against a wall after she remembered, rather unwillingly, the feel of his lips against her own and the sharp taste in his mouth, the way his body had felt so _deliciously right_ against her.

_Dammit._

"I am never drinking so long as I live." Mikasa swore before shutting the door of her room behind her and threw herself on her bed, groaning pathetically.

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_Fin de Part 1_

_Fave + review!_


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